Tuesday 28 January 2014

from An Indefinite Leave to Remain

arroyo geisha

Inventory of items left in a storage shed next to an arroyo in New Mexico:

cordovan leather cowgirl boots, the heels worn down like water-smoothed stones by the places I had walked for two decades

a painting by a pueblo artist of a feather shot by an arrow from earth and landed on the moon with the shadow facing the wrong direction

a tiny tightly stuffed faded black voodoo doll with eyes of glittery beading and a spiral stitched into his belly

seven years of IRS files and a ceremonial walking stick with a bear skull affixed with a band of beads and feathers

my mother’s wedding ring my widow’s wedding ring a ring in the shape of two sleeping horses entwined a ring made of Guatemalan paper beads

a bird fallen from a wooden carved circle of birds given to me by the first man I ever loved

the journal in your handwriting which on the last page ended with the line I have stopped writing in this journal because she has found and read it

a child sized manikin dressed in the kimono obi tabi okobo my father brought to me from Japan when I was two

she stands faceless and white inside a glass display case
in a storage shed next to the arroyo
waiting waiting waiting
  
Michelle MillerAllen © 2012

About the Poem
I am a military brat, thus have lived many places, carrying my home on my back like a tortoise, the latest being New Mexico and now Scotland since 2005. 

The title of this blog is something of a tribute to my father, who is now age 92.  Daddy Roy did bring me the wee geisha kimono and accessories from Japan when I was two, and my parents kept them safe for me until I was an adult.  They delivered them to me in New Mexico in the 1980s, dressed on a manikin my father created, on display in a plexiglass showcase he made. 

Some things were too precious, cumbersome and expensive to bring or ship across the pond when I expatriated.  Not only geishas.  When I expatriated to Scotland, I also left my writer self behind in many ways.  Books finished were left on a shelf (or on a disc), books started were stopped mid-way.  I have carried a great inner burden:  There is a Scottish cop tied up in the boot of a car awaiting his kidnapper’s decision; there is a young woman trying to make her way on horseback to Iona in the 11th Century, with a very important mission; there is an artist in New Mexico who has been working on an art installation about spiders for so long now the gallery has already been shut down and she’s encased in her own web…so many of my stories are in limbo! 

Waiting for…?
I left all these characters suspended.  In Scotland I became obsessed with environmental work and began to define myself through that.  I no longer introduced myself as a writer nor sought the company of other writers.  Then a little over a year ago, someone asked me why had I done that?  I couldn’t answer, and began to really wonder about it.  From age 16 all I had ever cared about was being a writer, I had devoted my life to it for four decades!  And then just stopped.  Why?  Suddenly it was an important question for me to answer.  Just for myself…well, and maybe for those characters…

So I began a series of poems to try to get to the bottom of it.  Turns out it was a long, complicated story.  As I worked through the poems, I often wondered about that last line…what was the geisha waiting waiting waiting for?  I kept thinking of her, in the dark of that storage shed there in the hot sun-filled desert…

And then I realised.  She was waiting for me to start writing again.  To come alive again. 

Enter the Macleods…
So…I met Kim and Sinclair Macleod of Glasgow Indie Writers, we began discussing self-publishing.  I was so impressed with what they are doing, and became excited about joining them as an indie writer pioneer, that I signed up for their course to learn how to self-publish.   The rest is history-in-the-making.  Guardian of the Dark School is coming out this spring; The Green Dogs of Lonely Woods in the autumn.  I am giving creative writing workshops again and meeting amazing creative folks all over the planet.  The things that compel me in my real life are now finding their way into my fiction again - just like old times!  The other unfinished books are getting finished and will be published within the next two years.     www.indieauthorsscotland.co.uk  

A  little courage
Synchronicities abound!  That old adage is true, that if you pursue your dream, doors will open, you will become aware of possibilities and opportunities you never saw before…the idea that the universe supports a dreamer is one that I like!

So that wee geisha might soon find herself leaving that display cabinet in the dark…the waters in that dried up river bed (arroyo) have begun to flow again!

I like the irony that part of the definition of a geisha is an entertainer, who uses stories and conversation…not a bad metaphor for a writer.  Although this geisha isn’t writing just for men!  In fact I write “just for people”.

I hope that others will stumble upon this blog and give a second thought to their own dreams and what might be waiting, waiting, waiting in their own storage shed…feel free to borrow a little courage.


     

5 comments:

  1. sinclairmacleod.blogspot.co.uk is a blog to check out if you are interested in great crime fiction and very helpful information on self publishing and Glasgow Indie Writers group. Not to mention if you "got the blues", his interesting cover notes!

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  2. Love to see you get back into writing again. I have also begun to write some poems again after a few years hiatus.

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    1. Hi April, so glad to hear you are writing too! Thanks for stopping by. :)

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  3. Oh....speak of synchronicity (my favorite word) and here you are...thank you for not removing me from your list.

    How happy am I that the writer has awakened (to borrow from "Dune") and that the little Geisha will will write (and, mayhap even wake the Spirit Bear).

    I look forward to what comes next.

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    1. One of my fave words too. Thank you for the good words, great to hear your voice again!

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